Thursday, January 27, 2011
scribbles and doodles: Red Font marks the emotion
scribbles and doodles: Red Font marks the emotion: "Have you ever felt like grabbing someone's hair and slamming her face on spiked walls? I sort of felt that today, just this morning when I w..."
Red Font marks the emotion
Have you ever felt like grabbing someone's hair and slamming her face on spiked walls?
I sort of felt that today, just this morning when I was just about to finish my beauty regimen while smiling brightly on a gloomy day a single phone call made everything darker than the skies of Cebu. I know it's not nice think ill of someone but I wonder why I'm doing it without even a hint of guilt.
So what must one do when someone belittles you? Well these steps worked for me:
1. vent it out with moderation - sorry fb and twitter in this "tell all" world you must be the first engines to handle the heat.
2. walk it off - it doesn't matter if you go back and forth and people thinks your having hallucinations or something, walk it off with P-O-I-S-E.
3. blank - block your mind for a little while, stare blankly at something even if it's a piece of stapler refills.
4. imagination - well I for one imagined someone being crushed between two automatic glass doors or rat infestation in their rooms perhaps?
5. moral support - one way or another someone backs you up, one even offered the spike walls as I may please.
6. stay away from caffeine - if you have palpitations or something
7. go back inside your space bubble - diversion is the key
last and never the least,
8. AVOID CONTACT - stay away from the flame, just in case you can't handle the heat.
Spiked walls make a better picture for someone you despise doesn't it? Above everything else, even if you don't feel like it.. WEAR THAT DEVILISH SMILE, they can never tell how crazy it gets inside one's mind.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Snake 1. Level 1 *retrieved
Written: September 29, 2009 *looking back as I was retrieving this, Life indeed is a roller coaster ride*
An opportunity jumps right in front of you.. What would you most likely do?
(a) Leap over it, the "greener pasture" cliche is always there to comfort you anyway.
my second mind argues: Ever heard of "the grass is green wherever you go," primarily what counts is the path you choose to take?
(b) Grab it! There are also overused words like COME WHAT MAY, everything will settle down in its own place and time
my second mind again argues: Entrusting your future into something as vague and broad is too much of a risk. But then again, there's this belief that fate is what you make it. Matter-of-fact: Praying helps and prayer without action is useless.
What my second mind shouts:
Circling in the same maze for how many months now is nauseating. I'm not trying to find the exit with a tunnel light, just another exit that leads to an entrance for a more challenging maze. Remember how we all used to play the game of Snake? We level up until we reach the hardest and fastest maze there is. I'm that snake, only stuck in the most comfortable stage.. "Level 1" no traps, no barriers, just me and my tail.
They say that part of growing up involves making big decisions all by yourself and sticking up to it until its consequences eventually rule over you. I say, a big chunk of growing up is to seek help from different grown ups who can confidently utter the words "been there and done that!"
How can one really define what it means to grow up? Indeed I've learned how to walk, eat by myself, read and write, find a sense of belongingness, agree and refuse, love and not to love, forgive and forget, retain or try hard to erase memories, find joy and feel pain, and the famous 'rise, fall and rise again" Could twenty three years of existence justify the definition of maturity? Define existence, how about purpose? Define LIFE in general...
This leads me back to me being a snake, going to and fro inside that tiny screen chasing nothing but my tail. The game is not time pressured right? I could go back and forth as long as I wish, until the battery dies. MY SECOND MIND RELENTLESSLY ARGUES though:
This is what's real "tick tock tick tock!" Let's not bring up Benjamin Button, LIFE does not move backwards, neither it moves only to and fro..There are different directions, there are millions of traps and barriers and most importantly, it is temporary. You can end the game by bumping into you own tail.. In this game called "life" no one grows in stationary mode, one needs to step out of its comfort zone and explore opportunities no matter what the cost. The significant thing is.. upon reaching the hardest and speediest stage, you have what it takes to get there and you deserve to be there.
An opportunity jumps right in front of you.. What would you most likely do?
(a) Leap over it, the "greener pasture" cliche is always there to comfort you anyway.
my second mind argues: Ever heard of "the grass is green wherever you go," primarily what counts is the path you choose to take?
(b) Grab it! There are also overused words like COME WHAT MAY, everything will settle down in its own place and time
my second mind again argues: Entrusting your future into something as vague and broad is too much of a risk. But then again, there's this belief that fate is what you make it. Matter-of-fact: Praying helps and prayer without action is useless.
What my second mind shouts:
Circling in the same maze for how many months now is nauseating. I'm not trying to find the exit with a tunnel light, just another exit that leads to an entrance for a more challenging maze. Remember how we all used to play the game of Snake? We level up until we reach the hardest and fastest maze there is. I'm that snake, only stuck in the most comfortable stage.. "Level 1" no traps, no barriers, just me and my tail.
They say that part of growing up involves making big decisions all by yourself and sticking up to it until its consequences eventually rule over you. I say, a big chunk of growing up is to seek help from different grown ups who can confidently utter the words "been there and done that!"
How can one really define what it means to grow up? Indeed I've learned how to walk, eat by myself, read and write, find a sense of belongingness, agree and refuse, love and not to love, forgive and forget, retain or try hard to erase memories, find joy and feel pain, and the famous 'rise, fall and rise again" Could twenty three years of existence justify the definition of maturity? Define existence, how about purpose? Define LIFE in general...
This leads me back to me being a snake, going to and fro inside that tiny screen chasing nothing but my tail. The game is not time pressured right? I could go back and forth as long as I wish, until the battery dies. MY SECOND MIND RELENTLESSLY ARGUES though:
This is what's real "tick tock tick tock!" Let's not bring up Benjamin Button, LIFE does not move backwards, neither it moves only to and fro..There are different directions, there are millions of traps and barriers and most importantly, it is temporary. You can end the game by bumping into you own tail.. In this game called "life" no one grows in stationary mode, one needs to step out of its comfort zone and explore opportunities no matter what the cost. The significant thing is.. upon reaching the hardest and speediest stage, you have what it takes to get there and you deserve to be there.
Why do people grow up and leave? *retrieved*
*written: Year 2007, I can't believe this was 4 years ago, almost!
Earlier this morning I went to my grandma's house (Ceniza)... The house I grew up in...
As I was drinking my coffee in the garage, I was looking around.. Remembering how it looked like when I was little, when I was around three to ten years of age..
I reminisced how I used to spend my summer in that house and refreshed memories that no matter how I tried to remember, they can never happen again...
I remember where the wooden swing was placed (it was my favorite seat), at the back of the swing was my papa's old big black motorbike (I wonder where that is now?), the grotto that forever scared me (especially when it's red light is turned on), the old flowers and orchids placed there, the brown brazilla named "Brandon" by Ate Boomy, that later on got everybody “almost” killed since that car set itself into fire all of a sudden; the old jeep that was painted black and has small yellow eagle on its hood, and of course, what and who I miss most is the veranda and the man who always sits there..
I remember the afternoon naps I used to have when I was little *I hated afternoon naps! all I wanted was to play in the streets all the day long* and waking up with to the sound of small metals clanging and banging on each other, the smell of grease for the car or his gun collection and smelling the old wood of his rocking chair, that rarely rocks...
I also remembered counting the caps hanged in their room *practicing my counting by 2’s and counting 5’s* I remember the remote control of the old Sony TV that’s still there (the silver remote which functions only for changing channels and volume, that TV was older than me)
I remember playing in the bar as may imaginary Sari Sari store.. I remember my small red bike, my old puppies who died even if they were still puppies (namely, Chocolate and Mocha) Mocha was hit by a car.. and I can't exactly remember how Chocolate died… Eventually, they were replaced by Lady and Trump.. Trump was my favorite, he was a black dog with brown eyebrows... Lady, on the other hand, keeps on giving birth. She was probably a puppy maker.. All of which are dead now though...
I can also remember running around the house pretending that it was my castle and I clearly remember running and shouting towards the door of the house because I saw a big snake eating something green and alive.. It took a long time before my mother absorbed what I was talking about (she thought it was a story from one of my fairytale books)
After that sight, the next thing I remember was daddy and papa carrying long airguns used to kill the snake. I asked why they needed to kill the snake with guns, and Daddy answered "The snake will eat your puppies and you if I won't kill it!" I clearly got his point and I didn't ask anymore questions.. I can never imagine myself: Eaten by a snake, a 5 year old little girl being swallowed by it.. Then for me, was very violent… Which brings me to imagining a headless Snow White.. Snow White and Cinderella were my favorites too.
I can also remember the small study table that can be transformed into a chair with a blackboard desk (where could that be now?)
And I can remember being forced to study everynight! *MARTIAL LAW* I hated weeknights!
I remember being fetched late from school, I was the only one left from the morning class because they forgot me (I can't really explain how grown ups forget to fetch the yougest person in the house, was I that less important? :D) I was soo hungry then and my favorite food was noodles with egg; and I think I could finish a pail of noodles in that moment!
I remember eating baked spaghetti (Jinglet's!) with rice that was my other favorite meal, I can remember eating red chippy with mayo and catsup, I remember ate bambi's voice singing everytime she's home, I remember Ate Boomy studying and orating, I remember my young papa going home drunk and being scared of him, I remember my mama who was so thin then, I remember mommy and daddy coming home at 6 pm and the first word they utter everytime they arrive the house is "BLESS!".. I remember my red hello kitty teaspoon and small fork, I remember my orange two piece swim wear, I remember Ate Boomy's brown Chaleco (bwahahaha!) I remember Ate Bambi and Kuya Bobot, physically blocking the brazilla in the old garage because the breaks was not working (that was so funny not to mention stupid!)... I remember the Muslim guy who courted Ate Bambi who somehow fainted and threw up in the sink, since my naughty father cooked something with pig's oil in it without telling the devoted muslim what it was *poor guy*…
I remember being punished for answering back to my parents and kneeling for hours in front of the altar with encyclopedias on both hands..
I remember daddy cutting my nails upto the skin..
I remember my first tooth that came out (How can I forget! It was pulled by a string and blood scattered all over my face)..
I remember waking up during birthdays with a birthday song from the family.
I remember being forced to tie my hair before going home or mommy gets mad..
I remember the noisy yellow Yamaha motor that daddy drives to send me to school (that was so embarrassing for it was the noisiest vehicle in the street early in the morning)..
I remember going to school late and I can recall daddy saying, “I have to poooop first!” just before riding the car, those words always got me teary eyed because I was terribly late and it could even get worst…
Who can ever forget mommy’s Marcia? Her most beloved maid..
and Noemi, the deaf-mute maid who perfectly matched mommy and who also left the house because she will join the church choir (yes I know.. how can a deaf-mute sing in the choir, that has been boggling me until now, maybe they’ll sing in sign language)… And all other happy memories in that I house.. It was a lot different when daddy was alive, it was a lot brighter, it was more of a “home” when he was there…
The house now has full of stuff that are not used anyway, Aida’s only job is to clean it everyday and she seems to be not good at it (sorry aida, but it’s true!)… I miss the old Ceniza, when everybody was there, when we wait for each other before eating dinner, I missed it when Monty and Kong break every glass and when they bike around the house…
I miss Ate Bambi’s multiplex and Daddy’s “plaka”..
I miss Ate boomy’s noisy feet when she comes down from the stairs…
I miss it when we all eat dinner and just talked about anything, which normally leads to arguing or laughing..
I missed it when mommy used to cook and clean her jewelries with Tide, Glu and luke warm water….
And More than anything, I miss daddy and everything he does..
I miss being a child again and just observe life around you.. Always thinking of the bright side, no sense of possession, no greed, no enviousness, no hatred… I miss ‘play pretends” and pretended to be a princess, with a bent fork for a tiara.. I miss pretending for every fantasy to be real.. Everything is real now, no more flight of fancies, only memories of the past..
And.. just before I left mommy’s house I stared at the veranda… Wishing I could see the man who was always there..
I didn’t see anything moved though *thank God! Or else I could’ve have freaked out!* But I still smelled that old scent of oil and grease which he uses to clean his gun collection and fix the small metallic things..
Earlier this morning I went to my grandma's house (Ceniza)... The house I grew up in...
As I was drinking my coffee in the garage, I was looking around.. Remembering how it looked like when I was little, when I was around three to ten years of age..
I reminisced how I used to spend my summer in that house and refreshed memories that no matter how I tried to remember, they can never happen again...
I remember where the wooden swing was placed (it was my favorite seat), at the back of the swing was my papa's old big black motorbike (I wonder where that is now?), the grotto that forever scared me (especially when it's red light is turned on), the old flowers and orchids placed there, the brown brazilla named "Brandon" by Ate Boomy, that later on got everybody “almost” killed since that car set itself into fire all of a sudden; the old jeep that was painted black and has small yellow eagle on its hood, and of course, what and who I miss most is the veranda and the man who always sits there..
I remember the afternoon naps I used to have when I was little *I hated afternoon naps! all I wanted was to play in the streets all the day long* and waking up with to the sound of small metals clanging and banging on each other, the smell of grease for the car or his gun collection and smelling the old wood of his rocking chair, that rarely rocks...
I also remembered counting the caps hanged in their room *practicing my counting by 2’s and counting 5’s* I remember the remote control of the old Sony TV that’s still there (the silver remote which functions only for changing channels and volume, that TV was older than me)
I remember playing in the bar as may imaginary Sari Sari store.. I remember my small red bike, my old puppies who died even if they were still puppies (namely, Chocolate and Mocha) Mocha was hit by a car.. and I can't exactly remember how Chocolate died… Eventually, they were replaced by Lady and Trump.. Trump was my favorite, he was a black dog with brown eyebrows... Lady, on the other hand, keeps on giving birth. She was probably a puppy maker.. All of which are dead now though...
I can also remember running around the house pretending that it was my castle and I clearly remember running and shouting towards the door of the house because I saw a big snake eating something green and alive.. It took a long time before my mother absorbed what I was talking about (she thought it was a story from one of my fairytale books)
After that sight, the next thing I remember was daddy and papa carrying long airguns used to kill the snake. I asked why they needed to kill the snake with guns, and Daddy answered "The snake will eat your puppies and you if I won't kill it!" I clearly got his point and I didn't ask anymore questions.. I can never imagine myself: Eaten by a snake, a 5 year old little girl being swallowed by it.. Then for me, was very violent… Which brings me to imagining a headless Snow White.. Snow White and Cinderella were my favorites too.
I can also remember the small study table that can be transformed into a chair with a blackboard desk (where could that be now?)
And I can remember being forced to study everynight! *MARTIAL LAW* I hated weeknights!
I remember being fetched late from school, I was the only one left from the morning class because they forgot me (I can't really explain how grown ups forget to fetch the yougest person in the house, was I that less important? :D) I was soo hungry then and my favorite food was noodles with egg; and I think I could finish a pail of noodles in that moment!
I remember eating baked spaghetti (Jinglet's!) with rice that was my other favorite meal, I can remember eating red chippy with mayo and catsup, I remember ate bambi's voice singing everytime she's home, I remember Ate Boomy studying and orating, I remember my young papa going home drunk and being scared of him, I remember my mama who was so thin then, I remember mommy and daddy coming home at 6 pm and the first word they utter everytime they arrive the house is "BLESS!".. I remember my red hello kitty teaspoon and small fork, I remember my orange two piece swim wear, I remember Ate Boomy's brown Chaleco (bwahahaha!) I remember Ate Bambi and Kuya Bobot, physically blocking the brazilla in the old garage because the breaks was not working (that was so funny not to mention stupid!)... I remember the Muslim guy who courted Ate Bambi who somehow fainted and threw up in the sink, since my naughty father cooked something with pig's oil in it without telling the devoted muslim what it was *poor guy*…
I remember being punished for answering back to my parents and kneeling for hours in front of the altar with encyclopedias on both hands..
I remember daddy cutting my nails upto the skin..
I remember my first tooth that came out (How can I forget! It was pulled by a string and blood scattered all over my face)..
I remember waking up during birthdays with a birthday song from the family.
I remember being forced to tie my hair before going home or mommy gets mad..
I remember the noisy yellow Yamaha motor that daddy drives to send me to school (that was so embarrassing for it was the noisiest vehicle in the street early in the morning)..
I remember going to school late and I can recall daddy saying, “I have to poooop first!” just before riding the car, those words always got me teary eyed because I was terribly late and it could even get worst…
Who can ever forget mommy’s Marcia? Her most beloved maid..
and Noemi, the deaf-mute maid who perfectly matched mommy and who also left the house because she will join the church choir (yes I know.. how can a deaf-mute sing in the choir, that has been boggling me until now, maybe they’ll sing in sign language)… And all other happy memories in that I house.. It was a lot different when daddy was alive, it was a lot brighter, it was more of a “home” when he was there…
The house now has full of stuff that are not used anyway, Aida’s only job is to clean it everyday and she seems to be not good at it (sorry aida, but it’s true!)… I miss the old Ceniza, when everybody was there, when we wait for each other before eating dinner, I missed it when Monty and Kong break every glass and when they bike around the house…
I miss Ate Bambi’s multiplex and Daddy’s “plaka”..
I miss Ate boomy’s noisy feet when she comes down from the stairs…
I miss it when we all eat dinner and just talked about anything, which normally leads to arguing or laughing..
I missed it when mommy used to cook and clean her jewelries with Tide, Glu and luke warm water….
And More than anything, I miss daddy and everything he does..
I miss being a child again and just observe life around you.. Always thinking of the bright side, no sense of possession, no greed, no enviousness, no hatred… I miss ‘play pretends” and pretended to be a princess, with a bent fork for a tiara.. I miss pretending for every fantasy to be real.. Everything is real now, no more flight of fancies, only memories of the past..
And.. just before I left mommy’s house I stared at the veranda… Wishing I could see the man who was always there..
I didn’t see anything moved though *thank God! Or else I could’ve have freaked out!* But I still smelled that old scent of oil and grease which he uses to clean his gun collection and fix the small metallic things..
silence, pen and a piece of paper *retrieved
Written: June 26, 2010 -still feeling the emotion as how felt it when I was doodling this. Funny to be finally where I am now. :)
When all you have is silence, a pen and a piece of paper, what is there left to do?
Or in my case, my notebook..
The newness of this path I'm walking into enlivens me. Though clueless of the guarantees that this can bring about someday I'm just blissfully unaware. In any case, I've come to realize that the most important thing is not the future nor what it holds. It's what is taking place NOW. If you find happiness in whatever circumstance you’re in at this time then everything follows. Along with that, if what you’re doing is selfless, I for one is a believer of good karma. I was once told to "keep doing things that you know in your heart are right and you will be blessed."
Just pondering:
If one always worry of what's going to happen when in fact it's not even happening yet, I personally think that it will always be that way for the rest of her life. Everything is just a state of mind, being desperate, being poor, being unhappy, being under perplexities, these are all castles in the sky.. Instead of focusing your psyche on what could have been or who you would want to be in the next ten years of your life, why not zoom into the present moment see the good side of what's happening now and start working on it.. Some people would even say that, sometimes to find what you're looking for, stay right where you are…
These are just thoughts brought about by the silence of the four corners of my room.. I'm no shrink, and I know nothing about psychoanalysis and most importantly I'm not one of the wisest men on earth. These are just words passed on from one generation to another and things observed and experienced somehow by someone who is also trying to figure out a path, stopping and smelling the flowers by doing so.
When all I have is silence, a pen and a piece of paper.. Or in my case my notebook.. It's a trance..
When all you have is silence, a pen and a piece of paper, what is there left to do?
Or in my case, my notebook..
The newness of this path I'm walking into enlivens me. Though clueless of the guarantees that this can bring about someday I'm just blissfully unaware. In any case, I've come to realize that the most important thing is not the future nor what it holds. It's what is taking place NOW. If you find happiness in whatever circumstance you’re in at this time then everything follows. Along with that, if what you’re doing is selfless, I for one is a believer of good karma. I was once told to "keep doing things that you know in your heart are right and you will be blessed."
Just pondering:
If one always worry of what's going to happen when in fact it's not even happening yet, I personally think that it will always be that way for the rest of her life. Everything is just a state of mind, being desperate, being poor, being unhappy, being under perplexities, these are all castles in the sky.. Instead of focusing your psyche on what could have been or who you would want to be in the next ten years of your life, why not zoom into the present moment see the good side of what's happening now and start working on it.. Some people would even say that, sometimes to find what you're looking for, stay right where you are…
These are just thoughts brought about by the silence of the four corners of my room.. I'm no shrink, and I know nothing about psychoanalysis and most importantly I'm not one of the wisest men on earth. These are just words passed on from one generation to another and things observed and experienced somehow by someone who is also trying to figure out a path, stopping and smelling the flowers by doing so.
When all I have is silence, a pen and a piece of paper.. Or in my case my notebook.. It's a trance..
Friday, November 12, 2010
Step 1.
Road trip.
no we didn't use that.
A three hour drive from the city
We saw trees of all sorts
And mountains never went out of sight
the breeze of fresh air is truly noticeable
as we shifted from one city to another
And jumped to towns one after the other.
People, happy people.
The moment we stopped, I knew the scent, a very familiar one
and that sound, the sound of water rolling towards the shore.
I can't be wrong as I woke up from the road trip,
I was certain, this land belongs to the ocean.
What else is left to do in this awesome place, Camwhoring.
Pleased with the view and food we are carrying,
We started to pack again and keep going.
A thirty minute walk, I heard.
They were all talking about our destination, Kawasan.
I was feeling like jumping up and down, I didn't want to rest,
I wanted to keep on going no rest
until I see that water falling from way up high.
and walked..
I know it's near, I hear it.
What is troubled water without a bridge.
And another bridge
and another..
And on the last bridge, I turned around and saw.
and there they are again, people, happy Filipino People..
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Just saying..
A collateral out of coffee beans, cartolina and a camera
Why I love Marketing Communications?
-Intellectually Stimulating is an understatement.
- RESOURCEFULNESS is the key. Face it "unlimited budget does not exist!"
- Imagination and Day Dreaming is needed.
- They leave you alone when you're working or else.
- Everyone just understands that: if there's pressure and deadline, things don't come out as expected..
- You've got to think of something new and cool everyday on stuff that's been existing for decades.
- You create a new world a happy one, you just have to!
- They support your impossible and crazy ideas and you are actually allowed to mumble your thoughts
- Drawbridge can turn into an evolving Christmas Tree platform *if you know what I mean!*
- best of all: To make everything sound and look fun, you must always think of F U N in a million different ways.
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