Earlier this morning I went to my grandma's house (Ceniza)... The house I grew up in...
As I was drinking my coffee in the garage, I was looking around.. Remembering how it looked like when I was little, when I was around three to ten years of age..
I reminisced how I used to spend my summer in that house and refreshed memories that no matter how I tried to remember, they can never happen again...
I remember where the wooden swing was placed (it was my favorite seat), at the back of the swing was my papa's old big black motorbike (I wonder where that is now?), the grotto that forever scared me (especially when it's red light is turned on), the old flowers and orchids placed there, the brown brazilla named "Brandon" by Ate Boomy, that later on got everybody “almost” killed since that car set itself into fire all of a sudden; the old jeep that was painted black and has small yellow eagle on its hood, and of course, what and who I miss most is the veranda and the man who always sits there..
I remember the afternoon naps I used to have when I was little *I hated afternoon naps! all I wanted was to play in the streets all the day long* and waking up with to the sound of small metals clanging and banging on each other, the smell of grease for the car or his gun collection and smelling the old wood of his rocking chair, that rarely rocks...
I also remembered counting the caps hanged in their room *practicing my counting by 2’s and counting 5’s* I remember the remote control of the old Sony TV that’s still there (the silver remote which functions only for changing channels and volume, that TV was older than me)
I remember playing in the bar as may imaginary Sari Sari store.. I remember my small red bike, my old puppies who died even if they were still puppies (namely, Chocolate and Mocha) Mocha was hit by a car.. and I can't exactly remember how Chocolate died… Eventually, they were replaced by Lady and Trump.. Trump was my favorite, he was a black dog with brown eyebrows... Lady, on the other hand, keeps on giving birth. She was probably a puppy maker.. All of which are dead now though...
I can also remember running around the house pretending that it was my castle and I clearly remember running and shouting towards the door of the house because I saw a big snake eating something green and alive.. It took a long time before my mother absorbed what I was talking about (she thought it was a story from one of my fairytale books)
After that sight, the next thing I remember was daddy and papa carrying long airguns used to kill the snake. I asked why they needed to kill the snake with guns, and Daddy answered "The snake will eat your puppies and you if I won't kill it!" I clearly got his point and I didn't ask anymore questions.. I can never imagine myself: Eaten by a snake, a 5 year old little girl being swallowed by it.. Then for me, was very violent… Which brings me to imagining a headless Snow White.. Snow White and Cinderella were my favorites too.
I can also remember the small study table that can be transformed into a chair with a blackboard desk (where could that be now?)
And I can remember being forced to study everynight! *MARTIAL LAW* I hated weeknights!
I remember being fetched late from school, I was the only one left from the morning class because they forgot me (I can't really explain how grown ups forget to fetch the yougest person in the house, was I that less important? :D) I was soo hungry then and my favorite food was noodles with egg; and I think I could finish a pail of noodles in that moment!
I remember eating baked spaghetti (Jinglet's!) with rice that was my other favorite meal, I can remember eating red chippy with mayo and catsup, I remember ate bambi's voice singing everytime she's home, I remember Ate Boomy studying and orating, I remember my young papa going home drunk and being scared of him, I remember my mama who was so thin then, I remember mommy and daddy coming home at 6 pm and the first word they utter everytime they arrive the house is "BLESS!".. I remember my red hello kitty teaspoon and small fork, I remember my orange two piece swim wear, I remember Ate Boomy's brown Chaleco (bwahahaha!) I remember Ate Bambi and Kuya Bobot, physically blocking the brazilla in the old garage because the breaks was not working (that was so funny not to mention stupid!)... I remember the Muslim guy who courted Ate Bambi who somehow fainted and threw up in the sink, since my naughty father cooked something with pig's oil in it without telling the devoted muslim what it was *poor guy*…
I remember being punished for answering back to my parents and kneeling for hours in front of the altar with encyclopedias on both hands..
I remember daddy cutting my nails upto the skin..
I remember my first tooth that came out (How can I forget! It was pulled by a string and blood scattered all over my face)..
I remember waking up during birthdays with a birthday song from the family.
I remember being forced to tie my hair before going home or mommy gets mad..
I remember the noisy yellow Yamaha motor that daddy drives to send me to school (that was so embarrassing for it was the noisiest vehicle in the street early in the morning)..
I remember going to school late and I can recall daddy saying, “I have to poooop first!” just before riding the car, those words always got me teary eyed because I was terribly late and it could even get worst…
Who can ever forget mommy’s Marcia? Her most beloved maid..
and Noemi, the deaf-mute maid who perfectly matched mommy and who also left the house because she will join the church choir (yes I know.. how can a deaf-mute sing in the choir, that has been boggling me until now, maybe they’ll sing in sign language)… And all other happy memories in that I house.. It was a lot different when daddy was alive, it was a lot brighter, it was more of a “home” when he was there…
The house now has full of stuff that are not used anyway, Aida’s only job is to clean it everyday and she seems to be not good at it (sorry aida, but it’s true!)… I miss the old Ceniza, when everybody was there, when we wait for each other before eating dinner, I missed it when Monty and Kong break every glass and when they bike around the house…
I miss Ate Bambi’s multiplex and Daddy’s “plaka”..
I miss Ate boomy’s noisy feet when she comes down from the stairs…
I miss it when we all eat dinner and just talked about anything, which normally leads to arguing or laughing..
I missed it when mommy used to cook and clean her jewelries with Tide, Glu and luke warm water….
And More than anything, I miss daddy and everything he does..
I miss being a child again and just observe life around you.. Always thinking of the bright side, no sense of possession, no greed, no enviousness, no hatred… I miss ‘play pretends” and pretended to be a princess, with a bent fork for a tiara.. I miss pretending for every fantasy to be real.. Everything is real now, no more flight of fancies, only memories of the past..
And.. just before I left mommy’s house I stared at the veranda… Wishing I could see the man who was always there..
I didn’t see anything moved though *thank God! Or else I could’ve have freaked out!* But I still smelled that old scent of oil and grease which he uses to clean his gun collection and fix the small metallic things..
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